Because of Marxism-Leninism? Thats a reason. Liberals are criticised, no imperialist apologia and no reactionary shit? All of that.

But look, after longer time I can say that I feel more comfortable here, because I am not dehumanised. I am not an orc, a barbarian or monster. Its not like a agree with absolute every opinion and political stance here, but this all doesn’t matter that much for me.

I was just born there, but my ancestors were still all Germans and my Grandparents spoke genuine German (some old dialect). I have two books which show parts of my ancestors till the early 19th century, they even very rarely had children with Ukrainians or Russians and then only in the generation born since 1970s. Only my father is ethnic Russian as example. I can truly talk a lot about that little part of history, but that’s not the actual topic and probably boring as well. The fact, that the 90s were hell in the former countries of the Soviet Union contributed a lot to the decision to migrate over back to Germany.

However, somehow Germans are not willing to forgive. I don’t even know what to forgive, but they don’t like the fact, that I was born in country other then Germany. I learned German with 5 years and speak English waaay better then Russian. German is the language I use for everything, there is no accent. Reading Marx, Engels and Lenin? Of course German, it is my native language. Jesus, I can articulate myself in German better then other peers of mine, which were born in Germany.

After that many years that’s all not enough. Mentioning, that I was born there gives me various of reactions, even if I emphasise the circumstances there.

“Do you like Putin?” - Always the best question “Why didn’t you told me that you are a foreigner!?” - The fuck!? “So you are Russian?” - Germany acknowledges, that I was German and had the German citizenship since birth.

It is an unpleasant feeling. I personally never cared about that. With 18 I found out by accident that I have a Russian citizenship as well, however I didn’t care. Why should I? I though it would become handy, should I decide to travel by train from France to China through Belarus and Russia.

I ignored that, also never mentioned again somewhere, that I was born in Russia or even speak the Russian language. I just didn’t want this unpleasant reactions. No matter what I do, Germans don’t want to accept me as a German, I am still somehow a foreigner. As communist I was never bothered by that, national identities were never my point of interest.

Good, but since the war in Ukraine things escalated absurdly. I am reading about orcs, Russian barbarians and how trustworthy are those Russian-Germans actually? Aren’t they potential traitors? Every Russian is guilty of Putin, somehow also myself. My dual citizenship is suddenly a problem (I don’t even know how to dispose it lol) as well. Liberals and the German pseudo-left is acting with racism and dehumanisation, because they see it as morally OK. As long as it is morally ok, they even enjoy it.

This all is not a pleasant experience, when you are suddenly dehumanised. It is never right to dehumanise a population, but still, what did I do wrong? That’s why it feels like, that Germans are not willing to forgive.

Europeans often laugh about the US, because of racism. You know, stupid racist Americans which are talking about black, latin and white the whole time. Funny, right? That’s so stupid! The European mind cannot understand that. Not, because they are anti-racist, but why being racist only because of skin colour? Germans can be great racist towards Poles, Greeks and god forbid Turks! They are and will stay Turks forever, all foreigners you know. For me it is not comparable how as example someone from Syria is treated here. It is way worse for them, I know that. But still, being talked about, like I am not a human or a foreign entity, feels not good.

But Lemmygrad does not care. It is the same as back then around my left peer group, it never mattered. And this is something to appreciate, really.