I’ve had a bit of a rough go with it in terms of being raised in a bad environment, not properly socialised properly early in life, and to top it off my partner of 7 years just ended things because of some pretty nasty issues between us that I felt were perfectly fixable.
Everything as it is, I’ve started having issues with feelings of being disposable. Like I don’t matter, like I’m nothing and I can’t expect people to stick around, like they’re waiting for a reason to abandon me.
On a logical level that doesn’t hold much water, but at this point I’m starting to wonder how to fight these feelings if they come from very factual places. How can I justify the thought that I inheritly have worth, if the reality of the situation is that I keep being treated like garbage.
I’m doing all the right stuff, seeing a psych, prioritising recover, actually have a pretty decent inner voice going, but the feelings are still really strong and it’s hard to fight them. I’m not really sure how to handle this.
Granted, I never lived in any other era of human history, but I imagine our fractured society plays a huge role in why so many of us feel this way (because you are absolutely not alone in this experience.) We used to stay in close-knit communities, which forced us to hold our ties to each other, but we now have the entire globe to connect with. Consider how dating sites proliferate the idea that we can pick people the way we pick items in a grocery store - check one out, put it back on the shelf, put another in your cart, return another at a later date. It’s a pretty messed up way to think about other humans, but unfortunately a lot of people have internalized that this is a normal way to treat others.
When this happens enough, it’s easy to end up feeling disposable. It’s important to remind yourself that it’s not about you per se, but about how others treat each other. Being loyal is an underrated trait nowadays, made all the harder when you’ve gone through experiences where people take advantage of it.
I would love to offer solid advice on the matter, but unfortunately I often feel the same way. The best I can offer is the knowledge that you likely aren’t doing anything in particular to bring this on yourself - it’s a massive societal issue. Not the greatest hope, I know, but you are far from alone. I think it’s important that we recognize that loyal people are out there. It’s just hard to know how loyal someone is until the chips are down.