Parents who gift and praise their kids for “trying hard” and getting “2nd,” “3rd,” or even when they lose still reward them because they tried their best—I’ve seen parents whose kids struggle in school, get Bs and Cs, and are rewarded because they “tried” hard. No, a “B” is not an A; a C is not an A. If you got a B, then you have failed. If you’re participating in a competition and you don’t get 1st place, then you are a loser. What do you call someone who loses? A loser. Your kids should be rewarded when they win, when they get all As, when they get first place, etc.—when they are winners, not losers.
Context is everything. The expectations should depend on the person’s potential and the goal.
Having an absolutist binary mindset is not going to serve you or your kids well. Pushing your kids towards excellence and not coddling them with participation trophies is entirely valid. But, acting coldly disappointed and treating them like failures for not being perfect means you will probably never see them in your old age.
Just do the math. If a very small percentage of people achieve the goal you have in mind: assuming your kid “should” achieve that is possibly just your own narcissism bleeding out on them. Not everyone is going to play pro sports or be valedictorian. Thinking otherwise is pure delusional arrogance.